Thursday, April 29, 2010

Introducing the Hecklers Corner

Thursday  April, 2010

The Hecklers Corner

Welcome to our first column.

Today's issue is a collaboration of Hecklers from Left and Right Field.  Each home stand you are going to be privileged to hear from a couple of the most dedicated hecklers in Padredom. For today their names have been withheld to protect the guilty and I will let them introduce themselves in articles to come.

Without further ado,  please welcome - The Muskrat and The Mustache.

The Fine Art of Heckling

Heckling is about getting in the players head. To get them thinking of what you are saying instead of the game at hand.

Humor generally works best. If the player is laughing at you, he is listening to you and not paying as much attention to the game.

Do your homework on players. A comment about his 3rd grade teacher is much more effective than a simple you suck. Something like "Mrs Moreland from 3rd grade throws better than you do!" or "did you learn how to hit from Mrs Moreland in 3rd grade" will get the players attention every time.

What you simply cannot do is cuss at the players, regardless of language. Baseball is a family sport and there are kids in the stands all around you. While we may be giving the player a hard time, it is never worth it to cuss.

For my first post I want to start with a few chants that all hecklers should know and then go on to give you more information about the players you will be seeing, especially the outfielders.

Every home stand we are going to try to give you a few more heckles and tips, maybe even a page you can print out and take to the games with you.

Lets start with the chants.

This one is a standard that takes a chorus of fans.
It starts with a one or more persons chanting:

What the matter with Ryan/Carlos/Corey?
(With the Brewers the OF will be Ryan Braun, Carlos Gomez and Corey Hart)

The chorus answers:

Hes a bum!

Repeat this series 3 or more times.

If your tastes run to the Politically incorrect, maybe you end that chant with:

He likes boys! (instead of hes a bum!)

A couple of good chants for rookies and platoon players:

Back on the Bus, you're one of us. (repeat 3 times)
Hope you like batteries, cause you're on your way to triple A!

Another chant to use when a player is struggling with the bat against the Padres and has not had a hit is:

Ryan's on the collar, Ryan's on the collar.

Here are a few decent heckles for outfielders:
Get Ryan Onstar! He looked lost on that play!
Hey Ryan, I've seen better hoses in a garden!
Hey Ryan, Bozo Called. He wants his shoes back!
Rag Arm (Not real funny, but effective after a bad throw and best done while shaking your throwing arm like a rag)
Hey Ryan, you couldn't make that play in the video game!

You may have noticed that I am using the players first name. We tend to notice when our first name is called out, so use their first name whenever you have the chance.

If its a quiet night and the opposing team brings in a reliever a good chant to use is:

Bullpen Bozo, Bullpen Bozo, Bullpen Bozo.

This Home Stand

The Padres will be facing the Milwaukee Brewersto begin tonight.

Their starting outfielders are LF - Ryan Braun, CF - Carlos Gomez, RF - Corey Hart.

Left Fielder Ryan Braun is from Southern California and he went to college in Miami. So questions about missing Southern Cal or warmth are good.

Hey Ryan, do you miss Carne Asada?
Where do you go to get good Mexican food in Milwaukee?
Hey Ryan, what did you do the first time you saw snow in Milwaukee.

Braun went 2 for 13 in 3 games at Petco last season with no walks and just 2 singles. That is a .154 average. For his career Braun has hit just .242, 70 points lower than career average against the Padres. His average is fair game to a heckler.

We may also see former Padres Jody Gerut and Jim Edmonds.

Edmonds used to be called Superman, so a good heckle for him might be:
Hey Superman, what happened to your cape? or
Hey Jim, San Diego must be your Kryptonite. You only hit .169 here.

Following the Brewers, the Padres will be hosting NL West division foes, the Colorado Rockies.

Our writers will start chiming in for this column for the Colorado Series. Keep an eye out for more.

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